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May 30, 2017 · 10:01 PM

I just want to die

Everysingledayispain

horriblepain

iwantagunicantcope

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“Estoy Lista”

Estoy lista para nacer,
Estoy lista para decir adiós
Quiero agradecértelo
Estoy lista para emprender
Un nuevo viaje sin saber a dónde ir
Me voy, me voy de aquí
No necesito más del miel
A quedarme sin tu ser

Estoy lista para nacer,
Estoy lista para decirte adiós
Quiero agradecértelo
Estoy lista para emprender
Un nuevo viaje sin saber a dónde ir.
Me voy, me voy de aquí.
No necesito de miel
A quedarme sin tu ser

Lo siento, quisiera que esto fuera diferente,
Pero necesito dejar que el tiempo a su momento
Me cure toda de ti
Dejar que el tiempo a su momento
Me lleve volando sin fin.

Dejar que el tiempo a su momento
Me cure toda de ti.
Dejar que el tiempo a su momento
Me lleve volando sin fin.
Dejar que el tiempo a su momento
Me cure toda de ti.
Dejar que el tiempo a su momento
Me lleve volando
Me lleve volando, me lleve volando
Sin fin

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I was so fucking strong. So eternal. A stone element inside itself. Hold on to me, hold on and on and on. Don’t let go. Don’t let anything be. Don’t sacrifice – you can, you can, you can. But you can’t compromise. Or hold on too tight. Or let it slip away. Bitter tooth. Night and day. Night and Day. My fever played. But I just stayed. On and on and on. Only myself to see through all that went wrong. On the outside your telling truths that never hide good luck. Your adorable dear. But your never really here. Never on your best behaviour. It’s simple shame. It’s all about who’s to blame. Tell me about. Tell me about . All the wonderful dreams that never will meet me. Dance dance dance dance dance dance dance. Don’t lean on me. Im dying inside. And the outside now looks. Looks like leather. Dead me. Wandered into a mirror. Looked right through and into those dead eyes. No more character. No more me. I let go. I didn’t want to be. Who it was I used to be. If I die I’ll say. I never complained. I let it be. Let it be. Let me be me. Remember me? Remember my careless caress of love inside a childhood dream. What was I going to be? What was it? That made people. Being somewhere that was never real. Was not even real. Before the night draws out. The fever will become cold inside me. A stone element inside me. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. This is your last chance. Remember me. No don’t remember. No, don’t do that. Don’t ever belong to a place that exists only in daydreams. BE strong. Be so fucking strong. Overwhelm me. Behave like tall grass. Sway sway sway. I’ll miss that summer breeze. Hollow me out inside a warm breeze. I didn’t dream of anything. There wasn’t a place. A home. A mother. Or father. Only me. Only that breath. Only that in. That out. My body seemed to no longer want. Or could. Be. A part of me. All that construct. That personality. The wretched vanity that I made, me. More than me. I  thought would fool enough of you and all of me. Forward we go. The past is leant to memory. To regurgitate itself. It’s real but only truth knows. Truth is seamless in its losses. It’s all avoiding. All well placed. Between fear which doesn’t ever exist, and hope that hides intuition. An intuition that will save you. When you speak up for the last time. The last words. When you finally can say. With what little you have left. With what doesn’t say where you’ll go. But only where you really are. A conversation with one sentence. One man. That was once a boy. And all he ever wanted to say. About life. Love. Hope. Dreams. Passion. Place. Hurt. Something indescribable. His lost home. His tracing finger tips. Along the contour of her beautiful cheeks. The ones you kissed. Good night. Good bye. Good luck. I loved you. But love. It’s hard to breath.

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Love Is A Laserquest

Do you still feel younger than you thought you would by now
Or darling have you started feeling old yet?
Don’t worry I’m sure that you’re still breaking hearts
With the efficiency that only youth can harness

And do you still think love is a laserquest
Or do you take it all more seriously?
I’ve tried to ask you this in some daydreams that I’ve had
But you’re always busy being make believe
And do you look into the mirror to remind yourself you’re there
Or has somebody’s goodnight kisses got that covered?
When I’m not being honest I pretend that you were just some lover

Now I can’t think of there without thinking of you
I doubt that comes as a surprise
And I can’t think of anything to dream about
I can’t find anywhere to hide
And when I’m hanging on by the rings around my eyes
And I convince myself I need another
For a minute it gets easier to pretend that you were just some lover

When I’m pipe and slippers and rocking chair
Singing dreadful songs about summer
Will I’ve found a better method of pretending you were just some lover?
Will I’ve found a better method of pretending you were just some lover?

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90 days

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I was abandoned as a child
Before I had grown
I was abandoned
My abandonment taught me there is pain
That I am pain

It was my mother
The sun in my universe died
Went black

Ever since
I am hyper sensitive
When a woman leaves me
I become unbearable
That pain

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